Zeldathon 2010

It's that time of year again (yay!).  This year, I won't be attending in person, due to finances, work, other commitments, and so on.  Did you know that plane tickets are expensive?  I would like to see what happens if more fuel-efficient planes are designed, and if airlines reduce fares.  Yes, I know that airlines are already broke, so sad, etc.  And I'd love to keep them afloat, you know?  Except I don't have $400-$500 to spend on a round-trip ticket.  Thanks.

ANYWAY.

This year's 3rd annual Zeldathon, as in previous years, will tackle the mainstream Zelda console games: The Legend of Zelda (NES), Zelda II: Link's Adventure (NES), The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES), The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64), The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (N64), The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker (GCN), and The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (GCN/Wii).  Most of the games, if not all of them, will be played on the Nintendo Wii, using the Virtual Console and backwards compatibility for the GCN (Twilight Princess will be the Wii version).  I've also heard that this year, we're trying some of the handheld games, specifically the Oracle games (two Gameboy Color games which can be linked with a password) and Phantom Hourglass (on the DS, which is the sequel to Wind Waker).

The games will be played non-stop, although players will be switching off so people can eat and sleep.*  Zeldathon starts on July 5th at 6:00pm on Zeldathon.com (live streaming with chat).  We are raising money!  If you dislike child abuse (of course you do!), please donate.  100% of donations will go to the National Children's Advocacy Center, and these (tax-deductible) donations will go towards training advocates and professionals, as well as providing therapy and treatment for survivors of child abuse.

Good cause, yes.  Even if you can only donate a few dollars, please consider it.  If every viewer donated $5, we'd raise a LOT of money easily.

Monday, July 5th

6:00 pm EDT

Zeldathon.com

7-9 (or 10) games, non-stop

100% of donations go straight to the NCAC.

Warning: In the past, I've tried to ensure that the Zeldathon players, friends, and chatroom members keep language and jokes appropriate, out of respect for the organization we donate to.  There are some chat moderators, myself included, who work very hard to keep inappropriate language, jokes, and comments in check, but obviously, the chances of us preventing anyone from saying something stupid are next to none.  If you think that someone has said or done something completely inappropriate, alert me immediately, even if it's something as basic as a chatroom member using the term "rape" inappropriately.  I'll do what I can to take care of it.  Unfortunately, the gaming community is male-dominated and not progressive-friendly, so we have to work hard to be subversive.

The Construction of PCOS

PCOS: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  Affects 10% of women.  Leading cause of fertility problems in women.  Symptoms include "high" free testosterone, infertility, ovarian cysts, acne, obesity, difficulty losing weight, infrequent or absent menstruation, lengthy/heavy/painful periods, and hirsutism.  Prescribed treatments include hormonal birth control, fertility drugs, anti-androgens, and weight loss.  Many women with PCOS do not have all of the possible symptoms.

I hate PCOS.  Not just because I apparently have it.  But because it's a syndrome (that is, a combination of symtpoms) that revolves almost completely around the idea of traditional femininity.

Women aren't supposed to be fat or hairy or have acne.  Women aren't supposed to have more than a specific amount of testosterone.  Women aren't supposed to have trouble having babies.  Periods aren't supposed to interfere with your life, and they should come regularly.  In fact, the only symptom that isn't on what I would consider the spectrum of health would be ovarian cysts; those motherfuckers HURT when they rupture.

I don't know how doctors decided I had PCOS.  I wasn't getting my periods regularly, which isn't that uncommon in young girls.  I didn't mind not getting my period regularly, except for the fact that it was usually a surprise when I got it.  My acne was cleared up already, and while I wasn't hairless, I did NOT think I was that hairy.  I didn't think there was anything wrong with me.

Until I had two cysts rupture.  Then all of a sudden, I was too hairy, too fat, my skin was too gross, I had too much testosterone (SO?).  And my doctors (both my pediatrician and an endocrinologist) did some things that should have gotten them suspended.

Both of them bullied me to start taking hormonal birth control.  I didn't want to take it.  The battle went on for over a year, when I was 15.  The endocrinologist performed a pelvic exam on me without telling me what she was going to do.  I think it's actually fair to say that I was moderately traumatized by that; I cried when I got in the car, and my mom was livid when she found out what the doctor did (my mother was unaware of what the physical exam would entail).  I remember going back to school that day, and my brother, who was a senior at the time, was shocked when I told him about it.

Now that I'm twenty-three, I look back on that experience and believe that this prominent adolescent endocrinologist should have been suspended.  When I think about what she did, I feel as angry and helpless and upset as I do when I think about my sexual assault, which did not involve penetration.

Both the endocrinologist and my pediatrician lied to me about what PCOS would mean for me.  I asked them both a very basic question: If I decided not to take any medication for PCOS, would I be able to have children when I was older?  They both lied and told me that UNLESS I took hormonal birth control, I would probably have even more problems conceiving later on.  This isn't true; I would have just as many problems conceiving regardless of my decision.

I told them I didn't want to take it.  I told them I thought it would be embarrassing to take birth control at age 15 (later, 16).  I told them that I was concerned that it would impact my decisions about sexual activity (specifically that, since it would remove the obstacle of aquiring birth control, I would be more inclined to take an earlier chance to start having sex).  And if I were a doctor, and a fifteen-year-old patient of mine was explaining to me, maturely, that she did not want to take birth control pills, that should be the end of it.

But these two doctors kept telling me that I needed to take birth control, until I caved a year and a half later, age sixteen and a half, no boyfriend in sight.  And I spent six months trying to find a better prescription; my first two pills gave me morning sickness, and I would miss school several times over the course of one week, every month.  I hated it.

Now, I've been on the same pill for about 7 years.  I want to keep taking hormonal birth control; I enjoy that my periods don't surprise me, and by cheating with how I take my pill, I'm able to have periods that don't last 5 days.  Cramps are uncomfortable, but manageable and not long-lasting.  I haven't had any cysts in these past 7.5 years.  And I'm sexually active; while I use condoms, I like the extra insurance that comes with just not ovulating.

But I wish I could have made this decision, to go on the pill, when I was older, when it was my decision, and not my doctors'.  And I'm still fat, still hairy.  My acne is gone, but thanks to Accutane, not the pill.  And I will probably never be able to conceive easily; if I go off the pill, I won't ovulate regularly by MAGIC.

Treating PCOS is using medicine and hormones to make corrections that aren't necessary.  I was fine the way I was, and I didn't need to be bullied by two doctors when I was an insecure teen.  This is a made up disease.

10 online dating mistakes for dudez

I still hate the Frisky, and I always will.  And while I like this list, there are still issues with it.  For example, all Frisky articles seem to be from a hetero-female perspective, even when they're not relationship articles (i.e. an article about how to improve sibling relationships, which could have been gender neutral, but was decidedly, "Ladies, here's what to do").  It's ANNOYING.  But that said, here's their list, and my comments.

1. TMI. We don't want to know about your ex-wife, your bankruptcy, or your feelings of masculine inadequacy. If you're neurotic about it, leave it out.

I've found this to be true when it comes to some of my friends--male and female.  Self-esteem issues, family issues, etc., are things that can come up after the first few dates.  I didn't write on my online profiles that I was estranged from my father, or that I'm a sexual assault survivor, two things that any boyfriend would have to learn pretty soon in the relationship.

2. Mr. Eager. If you send us an overly long e-mail that sounds overly solicitous, we won't think you're interested. We'll think you're desperate.

Desperate, or creepy!  I've also found that very suck-up messages tend to have this attitude that I will feel SO complimented, I will want to go out with you.  It'll also make me concerned that you won't be able to handle the idea that I might not be interested.

3. Only Interested In One Thing. Just after a one-night-stand? With few exceptions, we're happy to show you the door.

I don't completely agree with this one.  While I definitely wouldn't be interested in a person looking for a one night stand, it's insulting for the Frisky to assume that almost no women in general would be interested.  And I also would prefer to know whether or not a guy was looking for one night; otherwise, I'll end up going out with him and we'll waste each other's time because we want different things.  Since sites like OKCupid allow you to make it clear, just in your preferences, that you're looking for casual sex, not a relationship (or even dating!), it's not that unacceptable or weird for men or women to write that they're interested in something casual.

4. The Dealbreaker. There's a difference between knowing what you want and having a list of criteria no woman could meet. Keep it real.

This I agree with, way way way much.  Knowing what you want is something like, "college-educated, looking for a relationship, Jewish, politically liberal."  Being a picky asshole is like, "has to be shorter/taller than I am, must root for the Red Sox, has to be really funny, wants to spend time with me but is completely independent," etc.  Your perfect, ideal person does not exist.

5. Body Obsessed. If you say you won't date "fatties," even skinny chicks won't date you. You're not a hater. You're just a jerk.

This one's a big duh.  If you don't want to date someone overweight or underweight (or midweight), then just don't message those people, or politely turn them down.  Duh.  Easy.  Don't be a jerk, if you're male or female, and make demands on other people's bodies.  We're tall, short, big, small, bony, fat, all shades of pinks and browns, and our bodies all function differently.  And yet we're still all awesome people who are just looking for relationships and sexual partners.  So don't insult us.

6. Stalker Boy. Keep e-mails, calls, and date requests to a minimum. We'll let you know what we want from you.

I once kept getting messages from a slightly older man who really wanted to go out with me.  I barely knew anything about him, and vice versa; our conversations were mostly mundane.  I explained to him that I was in the middle of finals (I was still a college student), and that I would not be available until they were over.  I even told him when that would be!  He kept asking to have dinner with me before finals were over, and I just stopped responding.

When you continually badger someone to date you, you're basically saying, "Nothing should be as important to you as meeting me and having dinner/lunch with me.  It is perfectly acceptable for me to harass you and demand your attention." 

7. Material-tastic. We appreciate your toys -- your car, your motorcycle, your boat -- but we would rather hear about what makes you tick. That we like.

Well, let's be perfectly honest here: there are men and there are women who are materialistic, and who would want to date someone who had cool stuff, or could take you to Paris or something.  That said, in the context of "mistakes hetero-men make that turn off women," bragging about your possessions is an indication that you want to swap finances (of which your toys are a sign) for sex. 

8. Grow Up. Your resume should include something other than trips to Mardi Gras, booze-fueled tales of debauchery, and all the hot girls you dated. We're looking for love (mostly).

Again, this is a case-by-case thing, much like one night stands.  I don't love to get trashed and party, but there are men and women who do.  It might reduce the number of messages you get from people who aren't into partying, but I got fewer messages on OKCupid when I explicitly stated I was a feminist, and I considered that a good thing.  Talking about the hot girls you've dated is a bit different; in general, it's a bad idea to write about sexual prowess and past relationships/flings on an online dating profile.

9. The Black Booker. If we want you to have our real e-mail address and our phone number, we'll let you know. Asking for it right out of the gate creeps us out.

One of the fantastic things about a lot of dating websites is that you can meet people without having to give up your personal information.  That way, if you don't like someone, they can't stalk you using your email, phone number, or IM-client screenname.  It's one thing to swap numbers if you're meeting up for a date and you want to be able to call the person to find them or let them know you're lost or late (for what it's worth, I didn't always swap numbers before the first date, and things have gone fine).  But asking for personal information, including a person's real name, in the first message or so is unacceptable and rude.  Giving our your own personal info right away is also rude, as well as creepy.  And saying, "Hey, why don't you give me your AIM screenname?  The OKC IM-chat is so buggy," is douchey.

10. Chill Out, Dude. Take it slow. We're not going anywhere. If what we're both after is a relationship, let's take the scenic route to get there.

If we don't message you back right away, chill. CHILL.  If we don't go out with you again right away, keep CHILLING.  If we're seeing other people, calm the fuck down.  This goes for anyone of any sex.  If you're this high strung about dating, then a relationship won't work.

Issue about which I am ambivalent

Being childless.

No, I'm not ambivalent about being childless.  At this point in my life, if I become pregnant, it's off to Planned Parenthood ASAP.  And I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for kids.  Like my old sociology professor used to say, "My favorite kids are the ones I can hand back."

The issue I'm ambivalent about?  Other people's kids.  You know which kids I'm talking about.  The ones who live upstairs and throw temper tantrums.  The ones on the plane who scream.  The ones in restaurants whose parents keep having to talk loudly in baby talk to get them to eat.  The ones who run around the apartment complex, screaming and playing, no parents in sight.

The question is, where do we draw the line?

As someone who is pretty sure she wants to remain childless, I find other people's children downright annoying.  That is, I don't have kids because I don't want to deal with them, so what makes you think I want to deal with yours?  I mean, really, the world does not revolve around you and your child, so please stop assuming that we all want to hear your precious little child whining about how their spaghetti and meatballs at this fancy Italian restaurant DOESN'T TASTE RIGHT.*

But on the other hand, when you have a kid, you have a kid.  That means that you have to bring them places.  Sometimes, places like planes.  Children and people with children often need to travel, and using a plane is the fastest way.  Additionally, if parents could have total control over when their children threw tantrums, there would be no tantrums because seriously, no one wants to listen to that.  It's not remotely adorable, especially when it's because the dog ATE THE ICE CREAM QUICKLY.**  If you're a full-time parent, and you have to run an errand, but you can't leave your child at home, then that kid is going to be in the grocery store with you, running around, bumping into my shopping cart.  It's not something you can help.

I just read an article on CNN.com (the most trusted name in fake news--The Daily Show switched places I think) about how parents need to control their children on flights or just not fly anymore.  I don't ever remember flying with a crying child, but I'm absolutely sure that I would want to kill one if I had the misfortune of being in that situation.  It struck a chord with me, though, because of the way that people complain about overweight people also flying on planes.  My uncle once complained throughout lunch, during the whole Kevin Smith Southwest fiasco, about how he was just so thoroughly disgusted that he had to sit next to some fat guy during his flight.  Never mind that the fat guy was probably more uncomfortable and embarrassed and was JUST trying to fucking fly somewhere, like my uncle.

So the question is, where is the line?  Sometimes it's easy on a case-by-case basis.  My neighbors upstairs whose child throws at least 1 tantrum a day, more during vacations?  Something's wrong (once that kid cried 5 times every day for a week, while I was trying to take time off work to relax over the holidays--relaxing was hard with all that adorable shrieking).  I think that's a parenting issue (these people also vacuumed at 11:30pm when I had swine flu, put nails in walls at 7:00am on a Saturday morning, and stomp around as if there's more gravity than usual).  A kid crying on a plane?  Look, if you think you're uncomfortable on a plane, the kid is almost definitely feeling worse.  It's DIFFICULT to be a parent trying to fly with young children; even if you do your research and come prepared, they still might cry, no matter what you do.  So long as you're not the parent with earplugs in and a magazine in front of your face while your child is bawling and kicking the seat in front of h/er, there's a chance you're overwhelmed, or you've tried/done everything you're supposed to.

Yes, it's annoying.  But I'm more annoyed with children in my apartment complex, and children who are around normally.  Ones who aren't trapped on the plane with their ears not popping.  Ones who ARE more easily disciplined.

I think there's a culture today of spoiling children.  I won't lie: I was a fucking privileged kid.  I threw tantrums like a pro; I'm not sure either of my parents was ready for me.  But there are children who will throw tantrums and misbehave, whatever the situation, including on planes.  Those kids are the problem.  Those kids make people like me hate kids.  And unfortunately, there's no way to tell them apart on a flight.

* made up example

** not a made up example; a girl was with her family getting ice cream at the local farm stand, and they bought their dog vanilla ice cream in a doggie dish.  The dog ate the ice cream in a quick gulp (not unusal, even for medium sized dogs), and the little girl who was pleased to be holding the dog got very upset that the dog had eaten the ice cream so quickly.  I thought it was HILARIOUS.

More on Craig's List ads

I don't pretend to be an expert on Craig's List, or how to get what you want when you post your ad.  But after months of searching for a place to live, and reading hundreds of Craig's List ads for rooms, there are some "do"s and "don't"s that stick out.  There's information you should include, and there's stuff that's entirely unimportant.  And even more than that, there are some unreasonable expectations that some people have when they're trying to find roommates.  This post just contains some of my thoughts about how people write their ads.

Information to include:
 * How much the person should expect to pay--
- Rent
- Which utilities are included in the rent
- Which utilities are not included in the rent
- The approximate cost of non-included utilities per person per month
* The room the person would be living in--
- Square footage of the room
- Number of windows
- Closet space
- Exactly what furniture the current occupant has in h/er room (if applicable) (by "exactly," I mean that I've seen a room that can fit a "bed," but what they meant was "twin sized mattress on the floor")
- Floor--carpeted or hard-wood
- If the apartment is multiple floors, which floor the room is on
- Whether or not the room is furnished
* The number of bathrooms in the apartment--
- How many people will share the same bathroom as the potential new roommate
* The kitchen--
- Appliances (fridge, garbage disposal, dishwasher, microwave)
- Whether or not the kitchen is eat-in or if there's a separate dining area
* Common areas--
- Whether or not there's a living room (in splits, there isn't one)
- If there will be any furniture needed or room for more
- Whether or not there is a shared common TV
- Carpeting or hardwood floors
* General apartment information
- Parking availability (specific)
- Location (city, cross-streets)
- Floor that apartment is on, and how many floors in the apartment
- Laundry situation
- Lease terms
* Roommates--
- Number of roommates
- Sex of roommates
- Jobs of roommates--intended to give potential roommates an idea of when you will be home and when you will not be
- Any essential information about roommates ("Must be LGBT friendly," "Jonathan is allergic to cats," important dietary information)
- Existing pets
* Landlord--
- Landlord or management company
- Landlord's availability to make repairs
- Smoking and pet policies
- Background check, credit check, proof of income
* Desired roommate--
- Desired sex (if applicable)
- Desired occupation status (grad student, professional, etc.)
- Desired age range
* Pictures of the apartment--
- At least ONE representative picture of the bedroom, if not two
- A representative picture of the kitchen
- A representative picture of the bathroom
- CL only allows 4 pictures; if you have a website or you cheat and fit more pictures in, add more pictures of common areas

None of this has to be in any order; it's just information that I know I would find very helpful!

What do I hate?  When the only picture up is a picture of roommates, or it's a dim photo of a messy bedroom.  When people have a laundry list of characteristics that their new roommate must have (watch TV with us, group dinners often, environmentally conscious, no significant others can stay over, no Republicans/Yankees fans, have to love to go out to bars with us).  When someone says, "No pets because I'm allergic to them."

Admittedly, I've been struggling to find a place because of two major factors: my car and my bird.  So I really resent when people don't list pet policies, or the preference is vague (such as saying you have "pet" allergies--does that mean you're allergic to birds?).

Rude things people do

So, I've been emailing a lot of listings on Craig's List, since I need to move.  I've been looking specifically for a room, not an empty apartment.  And I do have Loki, which I mention in my emails.

Some people DO get back to me and say, "Sorry, no pets!"  Some people just never get back to me.  Some people get back to me and I look at the apartment, and then they NEVER email me ever again.  And I know that these people haven't found a person to fill their room yet because ...

... they repost their ad!

Look, if you didn't like me, just email me and say, "Thanks for your interest, but we don't think you would be a good fit."  Don't just repost the ad.  After all, I may not have already found a place, and therefore, I will SEE your ad.  And I will hate you a little bit.

Period vs. No Period

Warning: I talk about menstruation.  If you're all, "EWWWW, GROSSSSSS" about periods, then I recommend you not read this blog post.  I also recommend that you grow up a little.

On CNN.com today, there's an article about whether or not it's okay for women to skip their periods.  Like most content on CNN these days, it's not a good article.  But it's an interesting issue.

I'm ambivalent about my period.  On the one hand, I find it extremely annoying.  Once every 4 weeks, I bleed for 4-5 days.  I don't like wearing pads (they're lumpy), I don't like wearing tampons (I'm prone to infections, and MAN, those things hurt when you pull them out and they're slightly dry!), and I don't want to buy cups.  I get cramps for the first day and a half, which is pretty uncomfortable.  Underwear and sheets are never safe, no matter how awesome and careful you are.  It's annoying!

On the other hand, it's not that big a deal.  I still can have sex (gross?  Eh, not really, just take a quick shower first).  I can still go to work and go about my daily life.  It doesn't last for THAT long, either.

So here we have the general sides of the debate.  I don't like having my period, but I'm not comfortable stigmatizing something that's been stigmatized for years just because waaaah, I have to wear a tampon.

The CNN article goes into the act of skipping placebos.  That is, women who use hormonal contraception can manupulate the hormones so that they don't get their periods.  For example, a woman on the pill can just skip the week of sugar pills and start a new pack (something I've done maybe once or twice a year since I started taking the pill 7 years ago), or a woman using NuvaRing can leave the ring in for 4 weeks instead of 3, and then go right to the next ring.  There are also birth control pills that are sold in such a way that there are three months of hormone pills and a week of placebos.

So it's possible to not have a period for months, instead of a few weeks.

Why don't I do this?  Actually, I don't do this because I like the birth control pill I'm on, and I don't want to switch to a different progestin.*  Additionally, getting my period is a great way to know I'm not pregnant.  Otherwise, eh, I'd probably switch and just not get my period.

But I hate both sides of the debate.

On the one side, there are the women who are just SO glad they never menstruate.  Look, menstruation?  Not the worst thing in the world!  It's like when the Boston area had a boil water order.  It's inconvenient and it's temporary.  Additionally, I can't help but think about the impact that patriarchy has on our attitudes about menstruation.  Menstruation is Othering--that is, if you menstruate, you're not normal.  You're not default.  So the world will not accomodate you.  That is, there will not be pad and tampon dispensers in every bathroom (or disposals).  And missing work because of severe menstrual cramps?  Take some Midol, or you're fired.  I can't pretend that menstruation as Other doesn't impact our attitudes about it, or about not having a period.

And opposing these period-hating women are the ones who cry out, "It's just not natural to not menstruate!"  First of all, if you're going to take this position, you should be arguing against the pill in general, not just the act of skipping a period.  That is, if you're all about nature, you shouldn't be okay with skipping ovulation.  So don't pick and choose.  Second, the only thing that happens is that your body doesn't shed the uterine lining after a month.  It sheds it after three months.  I hardly think the body is completely unaware of the continued presence of the lining.  Besides, considering the number of women with PCOS** who menstruate only a few times a year anyway (once I had my period only twice in a year), it's clearly not outside the realm of "nature" to not menstruate every month.  And it's insulting to imply otherwise.

So, where do I stand?  Look, I don't really CARE.  If you don't ever want to have your period again, then I suggest you skip it lots.  If you think it's important to get a period every month, then don't skip.  If you like to skip when your period would otherwise fall during an inconvenient time, then skip.

Just don't make it the law for every single menstruating woman to every walk the earth.***

* Birth control pills are made up of estradiol and a progestin.  Estradiol is produced naturally in the body, but it can also be produced synthetically; it's relatively equivalent to estrogen, and that's how the body perceives it.  Progestins are synthetic progesterones, another reproductive hormone.  There are tons of different progestins, synthesized in different ways from different initial hormones.  Many women prefer one progestine over another, and therefore prefer one pill over another.  I take Yasmin because of the progestine it uses (drospirenone).

** PCOS is polycystic ovarian syndrome.  It's a poorly defined syndrone that's mainly used to diagnose lack of femininity, as far as I'm concerned.  Symptoms and severity are highly variable, and doctors overly freak out their patients about it.  Many women who've been told they have PCOS have great difficulty conceiving, and many have wildly irregular (and heavy, long, painful) periods.

*** There are men who menstruate.  Many transmen certainly do.