Within hours of 2012 beginning, I was getting laid. I highly recommend it. It was pretty awesome.
I spent January 1st mostly hungover and got nothing done. On the 2nd, I packed up, drove Loki to my aunt and uncle's house, and then went to the airport. I spent the week in Ft. Collins with one of my best friends, and it was a shitload of fun. Now that I'm home, I've been pretty busy, too. I was in the lab on Tuesday and today (and will be in the lab tomorrow as well); I unpacked and cleaned and did laundry and picked up Loki on the night I got home; I taught a science lesson to my mom's students; and I've seen my boy and made most of my weekend plans. Phew!
But now it's time to think about what's going to go down this year. Because shit, I'm bleeding money and my legs are all, "WAIT RUNNING ARE YOU SERIOUS."
So, here's what I need to get done.
1) Get my shit together to start the semester
This seems pretty basic, considering how quickly I got my shit together last semester. But I need to figure out my schedule, which is tough when I might be switching classes (and I picked my teaching sections based on my current schedule). I need to keep plenty of time to get to my rotation labs this semester, and I need to have time for PT. I also need to get my calendar and inbox ready to fucking go, and organize my note-copying binder.
2) Running
I still need to go to PT, but I have the okay to start running on my own. So why haven't I? I could say it's because I was in Colorado, or because I'm busy, but I know it's not hard to find time for running. Tonight was a bit of a question mark for most of the day, but judging from my brain deadness right now, and the shit I have to get done for lab meeting tomorrow, I think I'm going to have to wait till the weekend.
3) Insurance -- NO
I have to yell at Aetna for refusing to cover some of my physical therapy for stupid reasons. I've been putting it off. It's not good.
4) Fix my finances
I am not in financial trouble, but I have to reduce my spending and be smarter about my saving, or I am boned. I now have something fun I want to save up for, plus I love buying clothing and shoes, but in order to do this, I need to make sure that I do the following things:
- Budget like a boss: If I don't plan out my budget, I can't stick to it. Sounds obvious, but really.
- Eat out less, cook more: Another obvious one, but one that's more difficult to put into practice when you have trouble predicting last-minute meal invitations. And it's difficult when you don't have room in your bag for a lunch bag.
- Stop letting food go to waste: I should think about methods to break this habit. Maybe I can't go grocery shopping until everything I bought last time is gone? This would require me to eat easily spoiled foods ASAP, and would also require me to keep a list of what foods I have (the neurotic side of me finds this incredibly appealing, while the lazy side of me is like, "WHY"). I'd have to point out the difference between something like sugar or flour or popcorn, things that last a long time and are not used that frequently.
- Change Comcast subscription to internet without digital cable. I understand we need NESN (well, I don't need it anymore), but we do not need digital cable, and it's costing us $130 a month. What.
And now, things I did last year (or last semester) that I want to continue to to:
1) Pick out clothes in the evening, shower/hair/make-up in the morning:
I finally started getting compliments in 2011 for how I dressed and how I did my hair and make-up. At first, the compliments came in when I would go out clubbing, when I was TRYING to dress fashionably and have my hair and make-up look badass awesome. Then, when I started grad school, it was a regular thing. It made me feel much less stressed, knowing what I would wear when I woke up in the morning, and I feel great about myself.
2) Getting shit done before it's due and studying for tests:
This didn't really occur to me to do in college for some strange reason. I would wait till the last minute to do any work, even though I was doing nothing except watching TV, dicking around online, and chatting with friends. I didn't actually have something better to do than my work, but I acted like I did. And when I studied, after spending the lectures half-asleep (or not going) and taking awful notes, I was under the impression that if I "went to class" (again, half-asleep or absent) and "took notes" (which were horrible), and I didn't ace the test after flipping through the textbook the night before, I must be bad at the material. Yeah. I'm glad I've broken this habit.
3) Taking care of my body:
It's not just that I had surgery in 2011. It was that I had a problem, and I made damn well sure it got fixed. I'm excited to be running again, which will help me make my body stronger. I've been taking better care of my nails, hair, teeth, and skin as well.
4) Make new friends, but keep the old:
At least, to an extent. I like keeping in touch with people, and I like making new friends as well. I suppose this happens almost yearly, but I want to keep it up.
5) Keep my room clean(ish):
As many of my friends know, when my room gets messy, it's not just because I have some clothes on the floor, or I didn't make my bed, although both of those things are often true. It means that I haven't cleaned Loki's cage in a while and there are seed hulls everywhere, and that empty food bowls/containers are on my bed, and empty bottles of soda and empty bags of chips are in my trash. Yes. But I've been better about it. Maybe it was all the times I thought I might get laid (or all the times I did). WELL THEN.
So, we'll see how 2012 goes. I hope it's great.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Monday, December 19, 2011
Yearly New Year's Survey
So, I fell off the blogging wagon. WHOOPS. Anyway, here's the yearly survey. There is no #22, so no, I didn't skip it.
2011 was ... full of highs and lows, and not many in-betweens. I'm glad to see it go.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Got an A in a university-level science course. No, really. And I actually worked for it, too.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Same as every year, I don't really make solid resolutions, and then I don't keep 'em.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Auntie Dora, my great aunt, died at the age of 105.
5. What countries did you visit?
None.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Laundry in my apartment.
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 1st, February 25th, May 14th. June 12th. July 11th. July 27th and July 28th.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Got into graduate school.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Let's not talk about this.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Compartment syndrome! Got my legs cut open.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new mattress. OMG.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Amber's. You know why.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
All republicans. And that other person.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Starting graduate school. My upcoming trip to Colorado.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Reconstructing Science.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? 20 lbs lighter.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer. Whoops.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Studying, cleaning.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Staying up late (still). Eating, spending money.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Aunt and uncle's house for dinner, as usual.
21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes.
23. How many one-night stands?
365, baby.
24. What was your favourite TV program?
Bones, Castle. STILL. I'm clearly a sucker for the sexual tension.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.
26. What was the best book you read?
The Emperor of Maladies.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Adele.
28. What did you want and get?
Got into graduate school.
29. What did you want and not get?
Let's not.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I think the only movie I saw this year was Harry Potter. Whoops. Did I not see anything else?
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 25. I taught in the morning, went to class afterwards. After office hours, I did some shots with my friends before going to our second class. After I got home, I went to dinner with my mom, and then I met up with my friends for drinks. It was a great birthday.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
RUNNING.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
I had one! Um, clean, comfortable, and chic.
34. What kept you sane?
Netflix, Loki, Amber, Michelle, Scott.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Dan Radcliffe, just so you know, I'm ALWAYS available if you're interested.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Is there one that doesn't? I'm a socialist feminist shrieking harpy.
37. Who did you miss?
Lady. That other person.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
CM/MCBB/EBE first years!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
When you know something is a bad idea, you SHOULDN'T DO IT. And you really should NOT do it multiple times either.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
2011 was ... full of highs and lows, and not many in-betweens. I'm glad to see it go.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Got an A in a university-level science course. No, really. And I actually worked for it, too.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Same as every year, I don't really make solid resolutions, and then I don't keep 'em.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Auntie Dora, my great aunt, died at the age of 105.
5. What countries did you visit?
None.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Laundry in my apartment.
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 1st, February 25th, May 14th. June 12th. July 11th. July 27th and July 28th.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Got into graduate school.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Let's not talk about this.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Compartment syndrome! Got my legs cut open.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new mattress. OMG.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Amber's. You know why.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
All republicans. And that other person.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Starting graduate school. My upcoming trip to Colorado.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Reconstructing Science.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? 20 lbs lighter.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer. Whoops.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Studying, cleaning.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Staying up late (still). Eating, spending money.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Aunt and uncle's house for dinner, as usual.
21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes.
23. How many one-night stands?
365, baby.
24. What was your favourite TV program?
Bones, Castle. STILL. I'm clearly a sucker for the sexual tension.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.
26. What was the best book you read?
The Emperor of Maladies.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Adele.
28. What did you want and get?
Got into graduate school.
29. What did you want and not get?
Let's not.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I think the only movie I saw this year was Harry Potter. Whoops. Did I not see anything else?
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 25. I taught in the morning, went to class afterwards. After office hours, I did some shots with my friends before going to our second class. After I got home, I went to dinner with my mom, and then I met up with my friends for drinks. It was a great birthday.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
RUNNING.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
I had one! Um, clean, comfortable, and chic.
34. What kept you sane?
Netflix, Loki, Amber, Michelle, Scott.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Dan Radcliffe, just so you know, I'm ALWAYS available if you're interested.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Is there one that doesn't? I'm a socialist feminist shrieking harpy.
37. Who did you miss?
Lady. That other person.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
CM/MCBB/EBE first years!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
When you know something is a bad idea, you SHOULDN'T DO IT. And you really should NOT do it multiple times either.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Quarter life
I've posted about how my birthday today is not going to be quite the celebration I'd hoped due to the horrific execution of Troy Davis in Georgia. Now, I want to post about how, well ... I'm twenty-five.
It's weird to think about how much my life has changed over these twenty-five years. I remember when I was a kid, I had ... no friends. I was teased a lot, and I don't know why. I've never been super cool by any standards, but as a six- or seven-year-old, I'm really not sure I was terribly uncool. I mean, yes, I was hugely bossy, but I don't think I was being teased for that.
And then we moved, and I made friends for the first time. Many of these people I'm still friends with today. All of us have changed a lot, and yet we're still together.
I went through weird phases with clothing. When I was young, I loved wearing pink, and I loved wearing skirts and dresses. Then I switched gears; I cut my hair to my chin and refused to wear skirts, insisting that my favorite color was orange. I didn't want to be a boy; I just didn't want to be a girl either.
In late elementary school and early middle school, I dressed extremely unfashionably, even for the late nineties. I mean, really, really, really unfashionably. Even throughout high school, I struggled to find a way to dress that I loved. I went through my punk phase (giant Hot Topic pants and everything), and then settled on boring. Experiments in fashion failed frequently. It wasn't until this past year that I've really put myself together, to the point of receiving actual compliments on my outfits. Huh.
My love life has had its ups and downs. First was the epic crush I had on a friend who had a crush on me. The crushes faded, returned, faded, returned, etc., never turning into anything, until we grew apart (or fell apart, more accurately). My first kiss was at camp, as was my second. My first boyfriend was a fellow musician, a member of the same Boston groups as I was. Looking back, I see how UNserious we were, but when I was sixteen, I felt like he was totally perfect for me. Our break-up threw me into a tailspin, and was the catalyst that brought me to therapy.
My first huge relationship was in college; it was with this boyfriend that I had sex for the first time, and learned how difficult it can be to balance principles with practice. The relationship ended in a huge emotional mess, and it took me almost a year to pull myself out and move on. It was then that I finally started dating for the first time, and even when dates sucked, I enjoyed it.
About a year later, I started dating my most recent boyfriend. It started out with boring dating, became a moderately interesting relationship, and then fizzled. I still had a tough time when it ended, but moving on was much faster and easier, especially when I realized that there was so much I was ready to give, and that I deserved someone equally giving.
Finally, I learned not to hook up with friends.
My heath has also done some weird-ass shit over the years. From PCOS to idiopathic hives and angioedema to ulcerative colitis to compartment syndrome ... it's been pretty ridiculous. Right now, it looks as if I might be emerging from this mess with my health intact. PCOS seems to have ... well, no impact anymore. I do have my LOVELY acne back, now that I'm off the pill, but so much of my weight gain was from the pill that I don't think it was fair to think that my PCOS was somehow in full force because of my weight all these years. Meanwhile, my periods are coming somewhat regularly, or at least every 35 days or so. Compared to before the pill, this is unprecedented. I used to go months without a period. So I guess ... it's gone?
Hives and swelling haven't reared their ugly heads, although I know that going off my antihistamines will change that. I was having some mild hives along my waistline, from the pressure of my belt, but I realized that my Zyrtec had expired several months before. New Zyrtec and POOF, hives were gone. But they're so well under control, I feel as if I'm finally free. I just have to take an over the counter pill. That's easy.
Colitis came back last summer and lasted about six months, but hopefully that's the end of it. I've been fine since January. And compartment syndrome? Well, that'll either be cured or not. We'll find out in a few weeks, when I can run again.
My professional life is so much different than I ever could have expected. Wasn't I going to be an artist? An animator? A flutist? A veterinarian? A farmer's wife? Even in college, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I still don't know what I want to do, but the difference now is that I'm getting my PhD. I never thought I would do that until maybe a year and a half ago. And here I am, in a program at BU, still in Boston.
My family circumstances have also changed. I went from being super close to my siblings, in a home with two parents, to living with just my mom and sister while my brother was at school, to living on my own and not speaking with my dad or his new family. My relationships with my siblings are ... complicated. It's a bit sad, realizing how far from ideal my family is. But at the same time, I still have a family that cares about me, that supports me.
I lost Lady, our dog since I was seven years old, back when I was twenty-one. I didn't think she would necessarily be around when I was twenty-five, but losing her was still one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Our bird, Kiwi, died when I was sixteen, and I didn't know how to mourn. Now, I have a beautiful parakeet, Loki, who is endlessly adorable and entertaining, and while sometimes I just want to bite his head off, he's very sweet and loving.
Didn't I used to want to own a lion? Yes.
Speaking of which, my obsession with the Lion King faded with time and was replaced by a similar, albeit more intelligent obsession with the Legend of Zelda video game series. My favorite TV show went from the Simpsons to That '70s Show to House to Friends to Scrubs to Bones. Somehow, I'll still watch any episode of Forensic Files that's on. My musical taste started with the Goo Goo Dolls ... and is still Goo Goo Dolls-centric.
I didn't know how INTO politics I'd be at my age now. I'm open about being a feminist and an atheist, two things which were absolutely not always true. I'm working every day to check my cis, white, straight, able-bodied, neurotypical privileges. I'm so liberal, it hurts being an American right now. My first time voting, I voted for Kerry in the 2004 Presidential election. We all know how that went.
When September 11th happened, it was maybe the third day of high school, and I was in class.
My best Halloween costume was when I had swine flu and stayed home as a "sick person." Okay, no, it was probably last year, when I was Hit Girl, but no one got to see :(
I will celebrate my birthday by teaching lab, going to my classes, and holding office hours. Then I'll have dinner with my mom and go out with classmates. Friday, I'll go to my classes and then go out with some friends. Saturday, I will do work and laundry, and go to a friend's party. And Sunday, I will have lunch with my grandparents and then be surprised by my childhood friends.
And hopefully, in another 25 years, I'll look back and think, "Wow, look at what's changed and what hasn't!" It's sort of inevitable, isn't it?
It's weird to think about how much my life has changed over these twenty-five years. I remember when I was a kid, I had ... no friends. I was teased a lot, and I don't know why. I've never been super cool by any standards, but as a six- or seven-year-old, I'm really not sure I was terribly uncool. I mean, yes, I was hugely bossy, but I don't think I was being teased for that.
And then we moved, and I made friends for the first time. Many of these people I'm still friends with today. All of us have changed a lot, and yet we're still together.
I went through weird phases with clothing. When I was young, I loved wearing pink, and I loved wearing skirts and dresses. Then I switched gears; I cut my hair to my chin and refused to wear skirts, insisting that my favorite color was orange. I didn't want to be a boy; I just didn't want to be a girl either.
In late elementary school and early middle school, I dressed extremely unfashionably, even for the late nineties. I mean, really, really, really unfashionably. Even throughout high school, I struggled to find a way to dress that I loved. I went through my punk phase (giant Hot Topic pants and everything), and then settled on boring. Experiments in fashion failed frequently. It wasn't until this past year that I've really put myself together, to the point of receiving actual compliments on my outfits. Huh.
My love life has had its ups and downs. First was the epic crush I had on a friend who had a crush on me. The crushes faded, returned, faded, returned, etc., never turning into anything, until we grew apart (or fell apart, more accurately). My first kiss was at camp, as was my second. My first boyfriend was a fellow musician, a member of the same Boston groups as I was. Looking back, I see how UNserious we were, but when I was sixteen, I felt like he was totally perfect for me. Our break-up threw me into a tailspin, and was the catalyst that brought me to therapy.
My first huge relationship was in college; it was with this boyfriend that I had sex for the first time, and learned how difficult it can be to balance principles with practice. The relationship ended in a huge emotional mess, and it took me almost a year to pull myself out and move on. It was then that I finally started dating for the first time, and even when dates sucked, I enjoyed it.
About a year later, I started dating my most recent boyfriend. It started out with boring dating, became a moderately interesting relationship, and then fizzled. I still had a tough time when it ended, but moving on was much faster and easier, especially when I realized that there was so much I was ready to give, and that I deserved someone equally giving.
Finally, I learned not to hook up with friends.
My heath has also done some weird-ass shit over the years. From PCOS to idiopathic hives and angioedema to ulcerative colitis to compartment syndrome ... it's been pretty ridiculous. Right now, it looks as if I might be emerging from this mess with my health intact. PCOS seems to have ... well, no impact anymore. I do have my LOVELY acne back, now that I'm off the pill, but so much of my weight gain was from the pill that I don't think it was fair to think that my PCOS was somehow in full force because of my weight all these years. Meanwhile, my periods are coming somewhat regularly, or at least every 35 days or so. Compared to before the pill, this is unprecedented. I used to go months without a period. So I guess ... it's gone?
Hives and swelling haven't reared their ugly heads, although I know that going off my antihistamines will change that. I was having some mild hives along my waistline, from the pressure of my belt, but I realized that my Zyrtec had expired several months before. New Zyrtec and POOF, hives were gone. But they're so well under control, I feel as if I'm finally free. I just have to take an over the counter pill. That's easy.
Colitis came back last summer and lasted about six months, but hopefully that's the end of it. I've been fine since January. And compartment syndrome? Well, that'll either be cured or not. We'll find out in a few weeks, when I can run again.
My professional life is so much different than I ever could have expected. Wasn't I going to be an artist? An animator? A flutist? A veterinarian? A farmer's wife? Even in college, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I still don't know what I want to do, but the difference now is that I'm getting my PhD. I never thought I would do that until maybe a year and a half ago. And here I am, in a program at BU, still in Boston.
My family circumstances have also changed. I went from being super close to my siblings, in a home with two parents, to living with just my mom and sister while my brother was at school, to living on my own and not speaking with my dad or his new family. My relationships with my siblings are ... complicated. It's a bit sad, realizing how far from ideal my family is. But at the same time, I still have a family that cares about me, that supports me.
I lost Lady, our dog since I was seven years old, back when I was twenty-one. I didn't think she would necessarily be around when I was twenty-five, but losing her was still one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Our bird, Kiwi, died when I was sixteen, and I didn't know how to mourn. Now, I have a beautiful parakeet, Loki, who is endlessly adorable and entertaining, and while sometimes I just want to bite his head off, he's very sweet and loving.
Didn't I used to want to own a lion? Yes.
Speaking of which, my obsession with the Lion King faded with time and was replaced by a similar, albeit more intelligent obsession with the Legend of Zelda video game series. My favorite TV show went from the Simpsons to That '70s Show to House to Friends to Scrubs to Bones. Somehow, I'll still watch any episode of Forensic Files that's on. My musical taste started with the Goo Goo Dolls ... and is still Goo Goo Dolls-centric.
I didn't know how INTO politics I'd be at my age now. I'm open about being a feminist and an atheist, two things which were absolutely not always true. I'm working every day to check my cis, white, straight, able-bodied, neurotypical privileges. I'm so liberal, it hurts being an American right now. My first time voting, I voted for Kerry in the 2004 Presidential election. We all know how that went.
When September 11th happened, it was maybe the third day of high school, and I was in class.
My best Halloween costume was when I had swine flu and stayed home as a "sick person." Okay, no, it was probably last year, when I was Hit Girl, but no one got to see :(
I will celebrate my birthday by teaching lab, going to my classes, and holding office hours. Then I'll have dinner with my mom and go out with classmates. Friday, I'll go to my classes and then go out with some friends. Saturday, I will do work and laundry, and go to a friend's party. And Sunday, I will have lunch with my grandparents and then be surprised by my childhood friends.
And hopefully, in another 25 years, I'll look back and think, "Wow, look at what's changed and what hasn't!" It's sort of inevitable, isn't it?
Birthdays and deathdays
On the evening before my 25th birthday, at 11:08pm, Troy Davis was executed.
There's a lot I'm feeling about this. I'd rather not go into tons of details about the case, which are widely available through online news and Wikipedia. The gist of it is that Troy Davis was tried and convicted in the murder of a policeman in 1989 based on witness testimony, and he was sentenced to death. One of the witnesses was a suspect in the same case, and seven more out of the nine total have recanted their testimony, citing police pressure as the reason for their testimony.
I have never felt good about capital punishment. I don't quite see how it actually makes any sense. Perhaps if we were absolutely sure of someone's guilt, with no evidence suggesting otherwise, overwhelming evidence suggesting truth, and no sign of remorse on the part of the person convicted, then maybe, maybe, I'd say ... "Maybe." Because even then, what good does it do?
The person murdered is still dead. Capital punishment is purely for revenge. "You did this, and now I'll make you pay."
So what happens when we're not absolutely convinced of guilt? In the case of Troy Davis, the people with the power to stop his execution acknowledged the lack of evidence for his guilt. They acknowledged it and didn't do anything about it.
His execution was scheduled for 7:00pm, but he sat on the gurney, with the needle in his arm, for hours, waiting for the US Supreme Court to save him. They did not. And no justice dissented. Before tonight, I considered Ruth Bader Ginsburg to be something of an idol for me. Now, I'm just too shocked to even process the complete lack of dissent.
And that was the night I went from disliking the death penalty to actively working to abolish it. I don't know what's so different this time; I've already known I've disliked capital punishment, but really didn't DO anything about it. But something's changed. Maybe it's because I'm older. Maybe it's because I have friends and acquaintances who have been sharing and retweeting the heck out of this case. Maybe it's because I'm no longer ignorant about so many issues.
Or maybe it's because those people in power, people who had the ability to grant clemency, knew there was doubt as to Davis' guilt. They acknowledged there was a good chance he was innocent. And they murdered him anyway. They did it anyway.
Meanwhile, I've turned twenty-five. I've had an extremely difficult week so far; major family illness, news of a friend's imminent deployment overseas, and now the government-sanctioned murder of a man who was likely innocent. I've been missing someone whose friendship I lost this summer, and I've been struggling to take care of my legs. All in all, I feel much, much older than twenty-five.
And this morning, I have to teach biology to some first-year students, many of whom might not even be aware of what happened last night. It's so strange.
It's difficult that I've just started my PhD, and now I want to run off and get my law degree so I can fix our broken justice system.
There's a lot I'm feeling about this. I'd rather not go into tons of details about the case, which are widely available through online news and Wikipedia. The gist of it is that Troy Davis was tried and convicted in the murder of a policeman in 1989 based on witness testimony, and he was sentenced to death. One of the witnesses was a suspect in the same case, and seven more out of the nine total have recanted their testimony, citing police pressure as the reason for their testimony.
I have never felt good about capital punishment. I don't quite see how it actually makes any sense. Perhaps if we were absolutely sure of someone's guilt, with no evidence suggesting otherwise, overwhelming evidence suggesting truth, and no sign of remorse on the part of the person convicted, then maybe, maybe, I'd say ... "Maybe." Because even then, what good does it do?
The person murdered is still dead. Capital punishment is purely for revenge. "You did this, and now I'll make you pay."
So what happens when we're not absolutely convinced of guilt? In the case of Troy Davis, the people with the power to stop his execution acknowledged the lack of evidence for his guilt. They acknowledged it and didn't do anything about it.
His execution was scheduled for 7:00pm, but he sat on the gurney, with the needle in his arm, for hours, waiting for the US Supreme Court to save him. They did not. And no justice dissented. Before tonight, I considered Ruth Bader Ginsburg to be something of an idol for me. Now, I'm just too shocked to even process the complete lack of dissent.
And that was the night I went from disliking the death penalty to actively working to abolish it. I don't know what's so different this time; I've already known I've disliked capital punishment, but really didn't DO anything about it. But something's changed. Maybe it's because I'm older. Maybe it's because I have friends and acquaintances who have been sharing and retweeting the heck out of this case. Maybe it's because I'm no longer ignorant about so many issues.
Or maybe it's because those people in power, people who had the ability to grant clemency, knew there was doubt as to Davis' guilt. They acknowledged there was a good chance he was innocent. And they murdered him anyway. They did it anyway.
Meanwhile, I've turned twenty-five. I've had an extremely difficult week so far; major family illness, news of a friend's imminent deployment overseas, and now the government-sanctioned murder of a man who was likely innocent. I've been missing someone whose friendship I lost this summer, and I've been struggling to take care of my legs. All in all, I feel much, much older than twenty-five.
And this morning, I have to teach biology to some first-year students, many of whom might not even be aware of what happened last night. It's so strange.
It's difficult that I've just started my PhD, and now I want to run off and get my law degree so I can fix our broken justice system.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Two towers, ten years
It is really weird to be in my apartment this weekend, reading textbooks and papers, and realizing how much time has past. Not only that, but it's unnerving to think how the course of my life and the lives of all Americans have been irreversibly affected by one major event ten years ago.
I have actually been dreading this day for about eight years, which is the day I realized that September 11th, 2011 was going to be a day full of politics, where my identity American, ten years later, would still be questioned. All throughout this August, my heart sank as I saw all the retrospectives. It's not that I'm against remembering, against mourning those lost, against uniting as a country. It's that I'm angry at the way that this event has been used, much like a weapon, to tear apart the country I live in and give political leverage to men and women who would see the lives of so many Americans destroyed. And I'm not talking about terrorists.
Ten years ago, I was fourteen years old, and it was one of the first days of high school. When the World Trade Center in New York City was struck by planes and collapsed, I was in early morning classes. I left band class to find that there were TVs set up all around the school. We saw the smoke and flames, but like so many people, we had no idea what was going on. No one knew how this had happened. No one knew why. Even worse, no one was quite sure exactly what had even happened. And, to make matters even worse, I remember the very, very real possibility that other cities would be targeted, including Boston.
I remember watching the news a lot for the next several weeks. I remember that the radio that night played zero music; there were just people talking about what had happened. One young man called in to say that his father had died in his office at the Pentagon, and that he would avenge his father's death by joining the army and destroying the people who had done this. I remember flipping through channels one evening to find that nearly every single channel was showing a memorial concert.
In this one horrible, terrifying day, I feel like our country was destroyed. We have not been able to unify in the wake of tragedy. We were not able to effectively punish the people who did this. Instead, we're in ruins.
We have politicians who do not help us, who instead have petty arguments, abuse their power, and ignore their constituents. These are the kinds of people who would deny healthcare to the first responders, who are dying because they were heroes. Poorly executed and illegal wars have bled us dry financially. These politicians, through their decisions, have killed innocents, illegally imprisoned suspects, and tortured people. Instead of unifying our country, and standing up and defying those who hurt us, we're vilifying entire groups of the population for not being appropriately "American." Our consumerism still permeates every facet of life. Instead of being able to say to al-Qaeda, "You were wrong about us, and we will, as a whole, avenge the deaths of those you took from us," we have fought amongst ourselves, we have done a disservice to those who died, and we have validated the justifications in the eyes of extremists.
It's been ten years. Ten years ago, I was a freshman in high school. I believed I would one day be a professional flutist. I had no sexual experience, I lived at home with my parents, and even "college" was only a distant milestone. I had no politics, only strange feelings as I watched the coverage and mourned the loss of life and our collective sense of safety.
Ten years later, I'm a first-year again, this time in graduate school. I haven't thought of being a professional mucisian in years, and am fulfilling my subsequent goal of becoming a scientist. I have sexual experience, as well as a desire to be involved in sex education; I am living in my third apartment, with three roommates, far from my hometown; my parents have been divorced for several years; and college feels like a distant memory. I am passionately political, and dismayed to see my feelings from ten years ago have been identified ... and validated.
I have actually been dreading this day for about eight years, which is the day I realized that September 11th, 2011 was going to be a day full of politics, where my identity American, ten years later, would still be questioned. All throughout this August, my heart sank as I saw all the retrospectives. It's not that I'm against remembering, against mourning those lost, against uniting as a country. It's that I'm angry at the way that this event has been used, much like a weapon, to tear apart the country I live in and give political leverage to men and women who would see the lives of so many Americans destroyed. And I'm not talking about terrorists.
Ten years ago, I was fourteen years old, and it was one of the first days of high school. When the World Trade Center in New York City was struck by planes and collapsed, I was in early morning classes. I left band class to find that there were TVs set up all around the school. We saw the smoke and flames, but like so many people, we had no idea what was going on. No one knew how this had happened. No one knew why. Even worse, no one was quite sure exactly what had even happened. And, to make matters even worse, I remember the very, very real possibility that other cities would be targeted, including Boston.
I remember watching the news a lot for the next several weeks. I remember that the radio that night played zero music; there were just people talking about what had happened. One young man called in to say that his father had died in his office at the Pentagon, and that he would avenge his father's death by joining the army and destroying the people who had done this. I remember flipping through channels one evening to find that nearly every single channel was showing a memorial concert.
In this one horrible, terrifying day, I feel like our country was destroyed. We have not been able to unify in the wake of tragedy. We were not able to effectively punish the people who did this. Instead, we're in ruins.
We have politicians who do not help us, who instead have petty arguments, abuse their power, and ignore their constituents. These are the kinds of people who would deny healthcare to the first responders, who are dying because they were heroes. Poorly executed and illegal wars have bled us dry financially. These politicians, through their decisions, have killed innocents, illegally imprisoned suspects, and tortured people. Instead of unifying our country, and standing up and defying those who hurt us, we're vilifying entire groups of the population for not being appropriately "American." Our consumerism still permeates every facet of life. Instead of being able to say to al-Qaeda, "You were wrong about us, and we will, as a whole, avenge the deaths of those you took from us," we have fought amongst ourselves, we have done a disservice to those who died, and we have validated the justifications in the eyes of extremists.
It's been ten years. Ten years ago, I was a freshman in high school. I believed I would one day be a professional flutist. I had no sexual experience, I lived at home with my parents, and even "college" was only a distant milestone. I had no politics, only strange feelings as I watched the coverage and mourned the loss of life and our collective sense of safety.
Ten years later, I'm a first-year again, this time in graduate school. I haven't thought of being a professional mucisian in years, and am fulfilling my subsequent goal of becoming a scientist. I have sexual experience, as well as a desire to be involved in sex education; I am living in my third apartment, with three roommates, far from my hometown; my parents have been divorced for several years; and college feels like a distant memory. I am passionately political, and dismayed to see my feelings from ten years ago have been identified ... and validated.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Hurricane Irene
Today, the Boston area is in the middle of some nasty weather from Hurricane/Tropical Storm Irene, which started to hit yesterday afternoon. I actually slept through what I think was the worst of the Boston-area weather, at least according to the radar at Weather Underground. Right now, it looks a little rainy and pretty windy out. I haven't lost power, although I had some flickers about an hour ago.*
Right now, I think the most annoying thing about this storm is the "OMG SO OVERHYPED" reaction. I don't just find it annoying because of the political implications; I find it obnoxious because I'm really not entirely sure how the storm was overhyped.
Let's think about the Boston area, how much hype there was, and what's actually going on right now.
The MBTA decided to shut down today, after 8am. People were advised to stay indoors and not drive, unless leaving/driving was necessary. Coastal and low-lying areas were warned about flooding and advised to prepare for it. Folks planned in advance in case they lost power, or if they lost power and clean running water.
And what's going on? Trees are falling, lots of people have lost power, and there has been flooding in various areas. It is extremely wet, dark, and windy outside.
So, how was this overhyped? Yes, the storm weakened before it reached us (from a cat 1 hurricane to a tropical storm). But it's still here. And this isn't just a bad thunderstorm. And naturally, most of the people complaining online about the hype still have power. You're not hearing a lot from the people who've lost power; even if you have mobile internet, you're probably not going to want to waste the batteries when you're not sure when your power will be back on.
In NYC, the "omg overhyped!" reaction is even more unacceptable. Entire blocks in the city flooded. People died. That's not overhype.
And then onwards to the political implications. Because this isn't just that people crying "overhyped!" are fucking wrong. This is about the responsibility that government has to protect citizens.
No one knows exactly what will happen when bad weather hits. We don't know which houses will flood, or exactly which trees will fall. But it was obvious that the east coast was going to be hit with a major storm, and people needed to be protected. Governments made the right call and took steps to protect people.** If they hadn't, it would have been worse.
This is an example of government working, not an example of how government is useless or shouldn't bother itself with things like hurricanes. An example of when government does not work to protect people? Katrina. When Katrina hit six years ago, people were unprepared. Government was unprepared. And the death and destruction was absolutely devastating, not just because it happened, but because it could have been prevented or minimized.
So, the bottom line? If you got through H/TS Irene without losing power or having your life interrupted in any way, that doesn't mean in any way that the storm was overhyped. The storm wasn't overhyped, and because governments and people took the storm as seriously as they did, the storm isn't causing as much death and destruction as it could be.
* Had three more flickers just as I finished writing this post, around 1:45pm. GAH.
** An exception needs to be noted: there is no evacuation plan for prisoners in Rikers in NYC. Not just "there was no plan for this hurricane." There is no plan, period. While I believe that many people in that prison are in there for good reasons, that does not mean that it would be totes okay if a hurricane flooded the facilities.
Right now, I think the most annoying thing about this storm is the "OMG SO OVERHYPED" reaction. I don't just find it annoying because of the political implications; I find it obnoxious because I'm really not entirely sure how the storm was overhyped.
Let's think about the Boston area, how much hype there was, and what's actually going on right now.
The MBTA decided to shut down today, after 8am. People were advised to stay indoors and not drive, unless leaving/driving was necessary. Coastal and low-lying areas were warned about flooding and advised to prepare for it. Folks planned in advance in case they lost power, or if they lost power and clean running water.
And what's going on? Trees are falling, lots of people have lost power, and there has been flooding in various areas. It is extremely wet, dark, and windy outside.
So, how was this overhyped? Yes, the storm weakened before it reached us (from a cat 1 hurricane to a tropical storm). But it's still here. And this isn't just a bad thunderstorm. And naturally, most of the people complaining online about the hype still have power. You're not hearing a lot from the people who've lost power; even if you have mobile internet, you're probably not going to want to waste the batteries when you're not sure when your power will be back on.
In NYC, the "omg overhyped!" reaction is even more unacceptable. Entire blocks in the city flooded. People died. That's not overhype.
And then onwards to the political implications. Because this isn't just that people crying "overhyped!" are fucking wrong. This is about the responsibility that government has to protect citizens.
No one knows exactly what will happen when bad weather hits. We don't know which houses will flood, or exactly which trees will fall. But it was obvious that the east coast was going to be hit with a major storm, and people needed to be protected. Governments made the right call and took steps to protect people.** If they hadn't, it would have been worse.
This is an example of government working, not an example of how government is useless or shouldn't bother itself with things like hurricanes. An example of when government does not work to protect people? Katrina. When Katrina hit six years ago, people were unprepared. Government was unprepared. And the death and destruction was absolutely devastating, not just because it happened, but because it could have been prevented or minimized.
So, the bottom line? If you got through H/TS Irene without losing power or having your life interrupted in any way, that doesn't mean in any way that the storm was overhyped. The storm wasn't overhyped, and because governments and people took the storm as seriously as they did, the storm isn't causing as much death and destruction as it could be.
* Had three more flickers just as I finished writing this post, around 1:45pm. GAH.
** An exception needs to be noted: there is no evacuation plan for prisoners in Rikers in NYC. Not just "there was no plan for this hurricane." There is no plan, period. While I believe that many people in that prison are in there for good reasons, that does not mean that it would be totes okay if a hurricane flooded the facilities.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Two miles omg
I went out to dinner tonight with a friend of mine; we went to Burtons Grill and got the Restaurant Week menu. It. Was. AWESOME.
To get there, I walked about a half mile to the bus, and took the most almost all the way to the restaurant. On the way home, I still wanted to chat with my friend, who had decided to walk home. She agreed to walk with me if I chose to walk home, too, even though it was a bit out of the way for her. So I walked home, no bus. I didn't realize it, but it was a mile and a half walk home, not just a mile.
So I walked two miles today. And now I am absolutely exhausted! I've gone months without running and been able to get back on the horse fairly easily, but I've never gone this long without walking on a regular basis. Normally, I walk at least a mile every weekday, to get too and from work. So I guess I shouldn't be so surprised at how tired I am now. I could totally fall asleep right now. Yikes.
I won't, though; Loki is having too much fun running up and down my legs right now, having conversations with my big toenails. Not joking. It's very weird because he keeps walking over the part of my leg that's still numb. He takes great care to avoid the incisions; he's afraid of the left interior one, with the blister.
Oh, bird. But whatever. 'Cause I walked two miles today, suckahs!
To get there, I walked about a half mile to the bus, and took the most almost all the way to the restaurant. On the way home, I still wanted to chat with my friend, who had decided to walk home. She agreed to walk with me if I chose to walk home, too, even though it was a bit out of the way for her. So I walked home, no bus. I didn't realize it, but it was a mile and a half walk home, not just a mile.
So I walked two miles today. And now I am absolutely exhausted! I've gone months without running and been able to get back on the horse fairly easily, but I've never gone this long without walking on a regular basis. Normally, I walk at least a mile every weekday, to get too and from work. So I guess I shouldn't be so surprised at how tired I am now. I could totally fall asleep right now. Yikes.
I won't, though; Loki is having too much fun running up and down my legs right now, having conversations with my big toenails. Not joking. It's very weird because he keeps walking over the part of my leg that's still numb. He takes great care to avoid the incisions; he's afraid of the left interior one, with the blister.
Oh, bird. But whatever. 'Cause I walked two miles today, suckahs!
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