My good friends all know that come November and December, I am an unhappy camper. I have an intense dislike for Christmas, one that surpasses the normal level of annoyance. And it's not for the actual holiday itself. It's for people, and how society has taken a religious holiday and turned it into one of the most alienating times of the year for me.
I was raised in a Jewish household. It wasn't the most religious household; my siblings and I went to Hebrew school until we became Bar and Bat Mitzvot. We celebrated the four major holidays (went to services in the mornings of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, went to both seder nights for Pesach, celebrated the eight nights of Chanukah). At one point, we would also have Shabbat dinner on Friday nights, sometime before we moved. My siblings and I could all read what I consider Jewish Hebrew (block with vowels, as opposed to the actual Hebrew language used in Israel, which is often in script and almost always without vowels; I can't read it).
Both of my parents are Jewish and come from 100% Jewish families and backgrounds. I used to get that question a lot: "Are you half-Jewish or full-Jewish?"* As if it really matters.
I'm also an atheist. While I'm not going to deploy the full, complete argument for why Jewish atheism is not a contradiction, and why it's not just a bunch of people fooling themselves, I'll give a brief explanation. Being Jewish is often a cultural, ethnic, and ritual thing (come from a Jewish family, have traditionally Jewish physical features, eat Jewish food, practice some Jewish rituals, such as kashrut or lighting candles on holidays). Additionally, believing in god is not a central tenet in Judaism. There were two pillars that I came to identify: Mitzvot/tzedakah and torah. The first involves doing good deeds and giving to charity. Being a good person, doing the right thing, and helping those less fortunate, that is an essential aspect of Judaism. The second involves learning. We must always study, ask questions, strive to learn as much as we can. This can manifest itself in academic learning, but it also involves questioning what we're told, including the existence of god, or whether or not we want to remain in the Jewish faith. There's a reason why so many Jewish people are involved in charity work, dedicated to progressive ideals, and extremely studious.**
Believing in god is not a requirement of the Jewish faith. Often, and traditionally, it's expected, but those of us who do not believe in god are not imposters, and have nothing to hide in the community.
As a Jewish atheist, Christmas really, really sucks. I mean, seriously. Let's think about it.
In October, often before Halloween swings around, Christmas begins to pop up. Red and green begin to appear, reminding us all of what's coming up soon. More and more of the calendar year is being taken up by a holiday that lasts for one day. Next, we get the shopping and the decorations. People begin to spend a significant amount of time and even more money getting ready for this one day holiday. Lights go up. Trees are picked out. Little trinkets are purchased and strewn about the house. People have cards made with pictures of their kids to send to everyone they know (will someone please explain that tradition to me!). Sales abound: come get the presents for your family and friends so they know that you love them! We're opening at 10pm on Thanksgiving! Have you seen the people getting trampled, all for a sale?
In November, we get the holiday versions of TV shows, often with nice happy endings that result in everyone knowing that we love each other, and we get to spend time with our families on this, most important of holidays. No one has to work, everyone is together. Radio stations that have been playing Christmas songs up the wazoo for a month then decide to go all out and do non-stop Christmas songs until December 26th.
Meanwhile, we have the people who are livid about the supposed war on this holiday. You wished me happy holidays? Terrorist! You don't mention Christmas in your advertising? Unpatriotic!
And what we're left with is this:
Americans celebrate Christmas. And they celebrate it by going all out with decorations, getting a tree, paying whatever it costs to get the right and best presents and to get a flight to see their families. They celebrate by playing and singing Christmas songs, and wearing red and green, and wishing all their friends and neighbors a merry Christmas, through phone calls or cards, or just passing people on the street.
It's bullshit and it's bogus. Here's what Christmas is like for me.
In November, I begin to avoid certain radio stations, which are already playing Christmas songs. I've already gotten my gifts for people, sometimes before Halloween, but usually in the first week of November. I buy non-holiday wrapping paper. I send a complaint to an internet radio website because their "Top Hits" station plays about 40% Christmas songs, and not only are these songs NOT actually top hits, but I also use up all my skips really quickly.
I deal with watching non-stop Christmas commercials, telling me about all this shit I have to buy. Many of them are extremely gendered. I can't go shopping for new jeans, or to get my gym back replaced because I know that Old Navy is going to be an absolute hot mess until maybe the 28th. People wish me a merry Christmas, defaulting to assuming that everyone celebrates the holiday, instead of risking offending all of the people who actually do.
People insist that I *could* celebrate the holiday if I wanted to, that it's really for everyone.*** On facebook, people continue wishing "Merry Christmas and happy holidays," or "Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah!" or "Merry Christmas to those celebrating and happy holidays otherwise!" Meanwhile, Chanukah ended weeks ago. They're still selling Chanukah crap alongside the Christmas stuff. People assume that the colors of the Israeli flag are "Chanukah colors." After so many years, people still think of it as the Jewish version of Christmas, when in reality it's an extremely unimportant holiday that was only made popular because of all the Jewish kids feeling left out in December.
People wish for a white Christmas, even though the snow makes it really hard to drive places. Places close even though I need to buy things or use facilities. Meanwhile, like many other Americans, I'm working on Christmas; cells don't wait for the weekend to be over. I have to ignore the protests from Christians that if Christmas weren't a federal holiday, most Americans would have to miss work. Not only does this ignore the fact that like many other non-Christians who practice another religion, I often miss work for extremely important holidays. I've had a presentation scheduled by non-Jewish professors on Rosh Hashanah, when I should have been in services. People constantly whine about how they can't possibly be held responsible for such scheduling mishaps, because of the lunar nature of the Jewish calendar. But we all have to stop for Christmas.
Never mind that kids could open their presents in the morning before school, like many Jewish kids do, or like many kids do on their birthdays. Never mind that kids could open their presents in the evening, again, like many Jewish kids or birthday kids. Never mind that many people who celebrate Christmas DON'T go to church on Christmas, or go on Christmas Eve. Never mind that by making Christmas a federal holiday, the United States is privileging one religion over others.
This holiday is a blatant insistence that I am not really an American. That I am unpatriotic or trying to spoil everyone's fun. They don't see it from the perspective of a person who is uninvolved in this hugely commercial holiday, one that barely has any meaning for most people anymore.
If this viewpoint ruins your Christmas, I'm not really sorry. Consider it a way for you to begin questioning your own traditions. Jews do it all the time.
* I resent the idea that a person can be "half-Jewish," although enthically, it does make some sense. But either you're Jewish or you're not, for the most part. One parent is Jewish, but you barely celebrate the holidays, don't engage in the culture, and really don't care? You're not Jewish. That's okay, I won't tell your Jewish grandparents.
** Or, for those paying attention, studentious.
*** I do have Christmas Eve and Day plans, but only in recent years. I used to be bored to death on Christmas Eve (it's school vacation and you're ALL busy?!). My uncle married a non-Jew, and they have the Jewish family over for dinner on Christmas Day. I am currently late for the Christmas Eve festivities: Chinese food and a movie. I have nothing better to do, it's free food, and I like seeing my family.
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